​12-Step groups often recite these familiar lines of the Serenity Prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. These simple yet profound words offer a powerful framework for navigating life’s challenges. I like to use the Serenity Prayer with clients to help them work through stress and anxiety and bring order to thoughts that feel chaotic and overwhelming. This article for SPEM Health breaks down the three components of The Serenity Prayer and considers how each can support greater emotional wellness and resilience.

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Acceptance is one of the most powerful tools available to build up resilience against anxiety and depression. When we approach life’s trials with resistance, it often intensifies and prolongs that season. Often, resistance is rooted in a faulty belief system of self-protection. If we are living from a place of fear that does not truly acknowledge God’s goodness and sovereignty, we will try to control anything and anyone that threatens to rob our sense of security. We easily fall into the lie that if we can just get enough control, we will finally be able to rest. The truth is, this puts us in an endless cycle of striving and disappointment. We are always chasing and never able to fully hang on to the illusion of peace that control promises to deliver. My favorite line in the Serenity Prayer says, “Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace…”. It is crucial that we do not miss this part! Hardship is the pathway; it is not the final destination. Acceptance is not stagnation, resignation to defeat, and it is not living with a victim mindset. Acceptance is a posture of trust that says, “Lord, I believe that you will work this together for my good and Your glory”. Acceptance is an open mind that says, “What can I learn and how can I grow?” It is choosing to say yes to this wild adventure called life. The irony is that when we open our hands and let go of our need to control, one of the gifts we receive in return is emotional rest (aka serenity).

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There are, however, times when we outgrow seasons of life, and we find ourselves called to make a change. Change often takes courage, as it requires stepping into something unknown. Leaving what is familiar, even when we know it is hurting us, will not be easy or comfortable. This explains why people stay in toxic relationships, bad habits, and patterns of self-sabotage. Making changes in our lives does not have to be miserable and does not require sheer willpower. Sometimes, God grants courage by providing resources like counseling. It may look like seeking out support from friends and family. Or perhaps it will be the grace to lay down the thing that we are most afraid to let go of. Whatever the path may be, we do not have to go it alone.

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So how do we know if the problem we are facing is one to accept or one to change? As simple as it sounds, we ask the Lord for wisdom. The Holy Spirit is described as a counselor. What an incredible gift to have unlimited access to every ounce of understanding needed to live out purposeful and fruitful lives! If you are wrestling with what to do, start by asking for wisdom. God understands our limitations and knows how to get our attention when He is inviting us to make a change. Overthinking impedes our ability to discern His will. Trust in His goodness, rest in His sovereignty, and the wisdom will come.

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Here is a helpful journaling exercise I like to recommend to my clients:

Start by doing a “brain dump”. This is where you write down every thought you are holding in your mind that is bothering you. Once you feel like you have everything out, create three columns: Acceptance, Change, and Wisdom. Begin to organize your brain dump into the columns. Getting it out of your mind and on paper often provides a lot of clarity and reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression. When we take the time to slow down, sort through our thoughts, and surrender what we cannot control, we create space for emotional clarity.